Gracie's Crappy Art and Stuff

Why is everyone always so sad and depressed? Now that I'm content, everyone else isn't. This is stupid.

WHY IS NO ONE HAPPY BUT ME.

I have really nothing to be happy about either. I mean, seriously, I'm pretty much broke and I can't sleep sober.

Ugh. Explain to me the meanings of the universe. Show me what you see in your dreams. Take me out to the quarry and bury me alive. Don't fucking hesitate. This is everything you and I have ever needed.

Current Location: emily's
Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: white noise

Today is my last day of school. I have no idea the next time I'll get on the internet. The car's brakes broke today. Hah. The brakes broke. It sounds so silly.
Anyway, if you wanna reach me, call 978-413-7750 or if it's not too urgent, comment or email.

I love you guys, please keep in contact! <3

Current Location: school
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: the sewing room

So a lot of shit happened. Kicked anthony out, long long story.
goddamn.
I wish everything would go right for once, it might soon enough. I really do not know.
ugh. <3

Current Location: school
Current Mood: cranky
Current Music: the sewing room

there are bones beneath my skin
I don't know what I'm supposed to do with them
porcelain stuck under muscles and nerves and skin
skin that hides everything
enveloping all the things that really matter

you have neon eyes that pierce through catacombs
like a scimitar covered in gasoline
flaming and floating and flying and praying to god that you don't catch yourself on fire
but you have to ignite yourself when there's nothing left to burn

you've got carrots for fingers and bunny rabbits gnaw them off
it's a cute murder
a cute descent into madness

your eyelashes make you seem so innocent
but I see the heroin in your heart
and the thunderstorms in your limbic system

this is so frustrating
and we are at the end of the typewriter
I am the only word that can slip your lips
and loose lips, loose lips sink ships

look me over
I am nothing but stone and bone and breath
with my alphabetic frosted flakes
you don't care if it's cereal or prose

I've got green lungs
and you've got a broken face
hold me closer
I always thought he was saying tony danza

you're an airplane and I'm the sky

Current Location: school
Current Mood: bored
Current Music: early morning sewing room

So, I have no internet at home for the timebeing. Sucks, because I won't be able to go on the internet on my birthday as far as I know. Oh well.

I got to hold someone's baby and now I just want a baby. Fuck hormones. That and I have to leave in like twenty minutes, fuck.

I've been sitting in the same spot ALL day. Tomorrow I'm hanging out with chelsea, rob, nate, emily, jill, and caroline, so yay! I'm gonna make vegan brownies, so that'll be nifty fifty.

john gave me a car freshner for what I assume is my birthday. oh boy.

Current Location: school
Current Mood: busy
Current Music: people playing magical crads

I've got natural gas under my skin
like something that will never ever let you in
you can't deny the ocean lights
a submarine that's subdermal
we've got veins full of alkaseltzer
a wave of nausea for the century
it's all an ocean that we can't believe
I don't know if you mean to deceive
I've got amplified ears hearing the air around me
you are the breeze
and we kiss like nothing else matters
I don't care if you don't like metallica
just fucking kiss me
it doesn't matter if your arms are full of magazines
because the bullets we swallow are so much harder
and you can't be a highway
because I told you we'd always be gypsy trails
and all I've got to show is that my wrists
are no longer nailed

Current Location: here
Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: Funny The Way It Is - Dave Matthews Bands

So, we finally have the car back. So I can finally go back to school. Goddamn.

I'm almost out of percocet. Fuck.

I had some interesting dreams last night. I only remember bits and pieces. I had some faded french paper money that was very intricate and only printed in blue. I got a mini-laptop, but it kept messing up, drawing lines like DNA instead of straight. It was so strange.

The T key on the this computer has been falling off since I got the damn thing. And it's not like I can avoid typing words with the letter t, it's the most used consonant in the english language if I can remember correctly. There was a guy who wrote a book about cowboys without using the letter c (it was broken on his typewriter). I forget who it was, but I've been meaning to read it since I was like nine.

Current Location: everywhere
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: Moon Thinker - Mac Lethal

Love is that empathetic acid that floats over you
that old olive jacket that smells like pot and basement floods
the cotton candy that slowly melts into morphine
you've got cadmium red flowing in your veins
I've got your gloves tied around my neck
you're a dealer for my love, a dealer for my love

one bad apple spoils the barrel
but baby, it's the bad apples that turn me on
like that 1985 aftermath
you've got an orange that's made of gears
baby, all the fruits are the same
I don't care if you're anybody

I can't rhyme
you don't even care
your heartbeat is onomatopoeia
I've got you in a grasp that's made of gluey fingerprints

fuck your life
I've got too much nicotine on my hands to place me in your crime scene
you can't stand my alibis
and I can't stand your stare

Current Location: you
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: The Skinny - Atmosphere

I'm an elephant with apathy
you've got amber in your eyes but I can't follow directions
I never filled you in with a number two pencil.

I was never one for following the rules
they're meant to broken, you said
like spines and hymens.

you've got a gps drilled inside your brain
but you still don't know which road to take
I've got you down on your knees
but you're still independent

I need to enter your password to break into your mind
but you've got yourself under lock and key so easily
I envy your way of hiding yourself
my anxiety shows on the surface

I can push all your buttons
but all I seem to press is rewind
we keep turning back pages
and turning back time
unscrewing light bulbs
and burning down signs

you're a flying saucer burning down my fields
I can't sweat in these shoes until you walk in them first
I've got the appalachians inside my head
but you can navigate without a compass
you're as magnetic as you ever were
and I can't ever seem to pull away

we're drawn north but we keep moving south
there's nothing left but to shut my mouth
I'm saying too many words
you're lost in the balance
I'm lost in the cadence
you're lost in the balance

I'm so repetitive it bores me to tears
but let me just whisper this in your ear
I never try to rhyme
but it keeps happening this time
and you know how I feel
and none of this is real
but I can definitely find
what I've left behind
and I just have look
for every breath that you took

I've got a camera in my teeth
to show that they don't see everything
there's nothing they don't know anyway
I've got food in my mouth
and you're desperate for attention

I've got a cellphone twisted up in me
my intestines are broken open
there's nothing left for me to feel except this burning ache inside my brain
you're listening to the radio in the middle of the night
and I hope you hear our song, if we ever even had one
I'm a vacuum and you're a blackhole
one in the same, but you make everything disappear
whilst I hold on forever

alphabetic
diabetic
copacetic
anorexic
halitosis
self hypnosis
california
gotta warn ya
losing streak
upper peak
major tumor
hot air ballooner
alabama
eucalyptus
amitryptiline

I've got drugs in me
and you're just a hospital directory

Current Location: here
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Love Hurts - Incubus

I have all these priorities. Don't fuck with me. Nothing can stop me now.

I've got this green tinge underneath my skin, it's not envy, it's nature bursting out of me.

Don't you ever assume that your veins are really rivers?
You have tiny civilizations inside you. Desire and greed are only felt by the masses, not just you. All of these greedy creatures inside you, festering inside the little wounds left in your soul. All they want is your sorrow, they feed off it, live off it, like the world at large. You've got all these things inside you and you can't even pick up a fuckin guitar because they don't want you to.

Don't let it burn you inside though. All you are is a furnace anyway. You've got these ideas and the world is paper, ready to turn to ashes in your tumultuous insides. Your organs fold and unfold, with accordionlike movements. You can't convince me that you don't feel the same way.

I've got this motion in my bloodstream, of drugs and master weapons. You've got swords and eagleeyes drifting through your nervous system. Don't float in my desire, all you'll find is cigarettes and saltwater.
You've got a cocaine soul and I can't keep up.

You've got bob dylan taped up on your wall, but all he is is a buoy in a wave, you don't fuckin mind the artistic merit. He's just inspiration for realising what you'll never become.

My soul is made of crayons and it melts too easily. I try to colour you, but you're so warm, it just turns to a muddy brown, like I threw you away with the bathwater.
You were nothing like I expected.
I'd recycle you just to get the nickel back.
I don't know why you're not a garden.

I've got a shopping mall ingested in my cells. You've got people and balconies inside your empty walls.
I've got butalbital, and nobody really seems to mind it.
You were def leppard but I was dire straits. I can't hold you any tighter than I could hold wisconsin.
I'm lost in lake superior while you're in a drop of rain.
Put me in a watercan and I'll just kill your plants. I never really had a green thumb, I only had green lungs.

You taste like a goodbye and I can't bear to fill you any longer. My makeup runs like a hurricane, I'd throw you in a tapestry if I could hold a candle to your innocence.
I'm words inside of chapels, I'm a bible with genesis ripped out. I am just the end, the beginning is a mystery, and that's okay. Because I'm a pictogram that's full of percocet, I could hold you down with opiates if I could just throw you into the snowbanks.

My car windows roll up and down without the keys. I don't know where you've left me, I'm in an abandoned lot that's full of empathy that no one seems to throw at me.

Current Location: here
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: Emigrant, MT - Danny Schmidt

I'm stuck inside everything, I don't really know what's going on.

Everything hurts. Can't I make it better, somehow? Painkillers only go so far. Meditation only goes so far.

I can't stand all these problems anymore. I have these chronic headaches that fade in and out. I've been taking fioricet for them, which is decent, but it just doesn't seem to work well enough.

I was writing this like five hours ago and I don't know why I never finished it.

I can't sleep right now, it fuckin sucks.

Current Location: here
Current Mood: insomnia
Current Music: Nightrain - Guns N Roses

You're an automatic weapon that's fluttering under my chest
you're an applicable yellow cab that's floating down the carolina speedway
I've got red eyes and a flash of light that I bet you couldn't find

There's an orange glow behind you
this is everything you thought you could never find
we're being pulled by the undertow
but I don't mind
you're a mountain and I'm a cliff
you're an echo and I'm the sea

you are amplified for thousands of miles
and all I can do is cover my eyes for fear of the smoke

Current Location: blah
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Running Up That Hill - Placebo

Violence is not anarchy
and jesus got the best of me
I can't live through this agony
maybe the agony can live through me

this karmic retribution is the hardest thing
rocks inside my bones
the world can't let it be

I'm trembling in these shoes
the mud is getting deeper by the minute
and all I wanna do is drown

I'm just hanging on the gallows
saying "wait a minute before you kick the chair"
I'm just lost inside the woods
both my soul and my hell

you're only free when you're in the ground
and your soul's been dumped in the lost and found

the world still has reasons to astound me
but all that's left is a leaf and your emptiness

it's three am and you've got veins that don't love me
and veins that do
I've got you twisted up like heroin
but all you wanna do is kick it
all you wanna do is die
once a junkie, always junkie
and I'm an addict for your taste

there's a fire that burns inside
but all we can think of is radiation
and we worry if the fire department will get here in time to put us out

if you cut me open, you'll find rings like in a tree
but baby, baby, baby
photosynthesis is not my style

Current Location: yo
Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: Round Here - Counting Crows

My muscles are sore and I hear your arguments loud and clear
lock the door
shut your ears
you've got nothing to say to me anyway

let the raindrops drown you out
let the fire burn you down
I've got nothing left except these hollow bones

stop this fever
you're an intangible witness
and I've got you seduced so far

with a telephone wire wrapped around your neck
you're ready to drop
don't fail me now
this was in the plans

you've got cocaine on your nose
but I see there's more than that on your spirit
I'll bite down on your soul if I have to
just to catch you as soon as you fall off the fire

there are flames too hot for you to conquer
they're right here, inside my heart
don't you dare drag me down

I've got too many acoustic guitars
that I brought back from the moon
I've got a crater left in my soul
there's a lonely fuckin whistle
it's not a train, it's your swan song

These searchlights are only leading you farther away
your home is full of broken bones and suicide notes
you're a syringe that's broken off in my veins
you're that heroin addiction that everyone never gets rid of
don't you dare knock my comparisons

everything you know has been leading up to this moment
the soundtrack to your soul is just a droning void

Current Location: everywhere
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: What's Next To The Moon - Mark Kozelek

So I don't have the internet at my house right now. Fuck. The only thing that we can get on the tv is spike, so I've been watching too much UFC. Fuck.

I'm stressed out as hell. It turns out that percocet withdrawals aren't that fun. But whatevs, it's all good.

Gah shit is great though. I'm really happy right now, and I'm completely sober. It's awesome. I'm stressed though, ughhhh.

Either way, it's all good.

Current Location: school
Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: Pokemon

I love everything right now. There are so many things to enjoy in life. Everything is fire, everything is stars. We're fictional dirt in an underground bar.

I've got all these words lost inside my head. I can't tell if this is poetry or nonfiction or a generation lost inside my veins. You've got so many pinballs rolling inside your head and I don't know what's heroin and what's the truth.

You're me and you and everything inbetween. It doesn't matter what rattles in your bones or me. Rattle, fuck my life, you've got red denial trapped in you. You're an apple with tricky quirks.

I am a pencil that's writing like I'm made of ink, you can't deny that script is better than a typewriter. Don't leave me here, trapped underneath your skin but above my own heart.

I've got no dignity left and I'm falling forward, so fast it feels like I'm made of amphetamines.
Don't let me fall in any deeper. I could sleep and just have an opium dream.

You're the bones in my eyelashes.

Current Location: everywhere
Current Mood: high
Current Music: House Of The Dead

( This is just a list of silly things I love )

Current Location: here
Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: Okkervil River Song - Okkervil River

Don't let me dream while I'm awake anymore
you let it envelop you
a cold smoky white trip

I've got words in my head, completely unrelated
While a sad drum solo plays on and on and on
you could never be sad with the dexedrine in your brain

your salaciousness flirts with my decadence
red lips that speak a language that I can't understand
beckoning, beckoning
jab me right in the veins
and sing me a lullaby

you are the blood running through me
just pumping and pumping
there's nothing left but a bucket to pull your soul through

I'm frozen in a cadillac
I wish I could say we were above this sort of behaviour
I wish I could say we were above reckless experimentation
don't you dare tell me we are

I'm a wreck with bruised knuckles
you're a suicide begging to be reborn

your freckled features make me lose my appetite
we'll just burn away before the train comes

Current Location: you
Current Mood: bored
Current Music: Friend - Spring And The Land

( I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name )

Current Location: here
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Teenage Riot - Sonic Youth

And I've been thinking too hard
thinking I'm a peregrine falcon
well you've got tapedecks for brains

you don't care what runs in your veins
I'm already twenty minutes late for that train
you're my heroine, my heroin
don't let the bomb drop
I've got drugs inside my system
the sobriety never stops

you're a number, you're a name
you're a fighter
but you don't play games

I've got applesauce but you don't care
you've got crack cocaine and a soul to bare

you're a greenlit photograph
that's stuck inside a phonograph
I don't care that you want all your albums back
they're mine now
they were always mine

you've got a guitar string for a lung
I can hear it everytime you take a step
don't stop
don't deny
don't lie

Current Location: you
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Shoulda Known - Atmosphere